I wanted to share some of my writings from while I was in Haiti and things I have thought about since going. It was hard to describe my experience to anyone when I first got back. Coming back to my "first world privileged college" was pretty unsettling, more so than my first feelings as I got off the plane in the hot airport. All I could express was that it was a life changing experience and everyone seemed satisfied with that response. But I want to share more of why it was and what was going through my head. I think I'll slowly share that through this blog.
I recently sent a testimonial to the Pastor of Mercy Village and here is what I said, hopefully it'll allow you to get into my head:
"I came to Haiti, knowing what to expect to a certain extent and I really wanted to make a change in someone else's life and be apart of this amazing organization. However, what I failed to think about was how much meeting you, Luz, the children and all our patients would help me. I struggle with ptsd, something I knew so many people in Haiti must also suffer from but when you haven't met someone who shares this diagnosis it is hard to put your own situation in perspective. Hearing your stories of all the horrible events a lot of the children and people of Haiti have gone through struck home with me, I too have experienced similar events but to a much lesser extent. This really made me put my own situation in perspective. The US or I suppose any first world country focuses so much on how horrible these events are where as in a country like Haiti, they are almost the norm. The way it is presented in the US, I think makes you feel worse than you should about what you've gone through, it makes you dwell on it and labels you as a victim, where as in Haiti, there is no other choice but to carry on and keep going, as horrible as it is.
Before Haiti, I don't want to say that I was "lost" but I went through periods where I let my emotions control my life. When I met the children for the first time, after hearing what they went through, I was overwhelmed at their strength, compassion and spirit. Seeing their ability to experience something so cruel, so much more intense than I have made me feel silly. Why was I so affected by my experience when what they went through was 100 times worse? I let an event, that may be categorized under the same name as the events a few of the children have gone through, control my life completely, where as here were these beautiful human beings carrying on with their lives like nothing had happened. I like to think that meeting and being around the children changed my life. They gave me perspective that was so needed so badly. They helped me move out of a self-pity phase where I was consumed by this label to a new found strength and recognition that there is so much worse out there and that anyone can get through it. Their smiles, hugs and stories instantly filled me with strength and love. I do believe they are the future of their country, their ability to move on and your families beyond generous role for them has given them all the tools they need.
I so badly wish I could have spent more time in Haiti, the company and stories were amazing. It is very hard coming back to my college environment where I am surrounded by selfish peers who could never fathom or try to understand what, for example, Marie's life has been like. People who are too wrapped up in their "first world problems" to care to make a difference in anyone else's life. I would love for Marie to be able to come here and share her world with my peers. I just want to let you and Luz know how grateful I am for the children and this organization. "
For background, Marie is a 17 year old, extremely intelligent woman who is a former child restivak, or slave. She was a slave for a Haitian elite family and has experience beyond horrible things. She now dreams of being a nurse and sharing her story across America. I only wish she can achieve this goal, which is so hard coming from Haiti. She is an extremely strong woman with such a sense of leadership. She is always in my thoughts. I cannot wait to go back.
-Shannon
Marie and me after she braided my head.
